The number of lives lost as a result of the tsunami in South Asia is unfathomable. The magnitude of the earthquake was so great and had so much power that it caused the earth to wobble on it’s axis. The geographic map of the world has changed because entire islands moved hundreds of feet in one direction or another.
Sixty Thousand people… 66,000 people were killed when the atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima and 39,000 people died in the Nagasaki bomb.
We are a fragile people.
I don’t have a Christmas tree in my apartment. I just never got around to it. It’s embarrassing, I know. I was fanatical about Christmas when I was a kid. But when you get older Christmas becomes this different thing, at least for me it has. Traffic is more aggressive, people are more rushed, days are shorter, deadlines are heavy. Sneaking the small simple white lights down from the attic to place in the windows just doesn’t seem to make sense anymore. Jokingly I said to my roommate tonight that Christmas is like a Tornado. You think you are one of those people that is prepared for it until it happens and it’s upon you. The light around you begins to turn green and before you have a chance to react it’s too late. It rumbles by you like a freight train and you are left standing there wondering what the hell just happened, eating a microwavable lean pocket and sipping a vodka tonic.
But at 2am, it’s different. Christmas is that one time of year when you know, no matter what you are doing and no matter what you are thinking, your family, mother, father, sister and brothers, are all thinking exactly the same thing. You know that they are lost in that suitcase of memories you share with them. That they are laying there in bed in that dark room staring at the ceiling, watching the clock and waiting for Christmas morning. There is this random time between sleeping and waking up where we find ourselves all together in that one moment where suddenly Christmas makes sense.
So tonight, in the dark of Christmas Eve, someplace between sleeping and waking up, I opened up the window blinds in our empty apartment. The palm trees outside in our courtyard were wrapped in a string of bright white christmas lights. The glow poured in through the windows. I played my favorite christmas song “Pachelbel” sung by the Vienna Boys Choir. I sat and thought about this tornado I was in. For a moment, the white lights in the window almost seemed intentional, almost seemed like mine. For a moment I knew I was not alone and for a moment Christmas made sense.
Merry Christmas.
I’ve been procrastinating lately about writing a new entry. I was holding off, partly because I was waiting until I knew for sure what my Christmas plans were, and partly because I had zero desire to write about anything. It’s a crappy feeling when you don’t feel like writing about how you are feeling. Think about that for a second… it will make sense in a bit.
Anyway, barring a miracle, I’m 99.9999% sure that I’ll be camping out here in San Diego for the holidays. I had hoped that I would be able to somehow score a last minute deal on airfare back home to New Hampshire, but I wasn’t able to pull it off. I guess I could be stuck in worse places. It’s 70 and sunny here during the day. My roommate and his boyfriend are also staying here in town so I’ll have company at least. Our tentative plan is to just take off south into Mexico and see how far we can get in a day or two. The border is only about 20 minutes south of here. I’ve never been there so I think it’s a good excuse to grab our cameras and see what sort of trouble we can find. My Mother said to watch out for Bandits. I’ll keep you posted and put up any interesting photos I take if we go.
I’ve been having strange dreams lately, not the kind where you are shopping and can’t find the shoes you want in the right color, but those real warped dreams that change the way you think the entire next day. In one I was walking with my ex-boyfriend and we were having this really in-depth conversation about life and where we both are now. I woke up missing him very much. In another dream, I was standing in a room, next to a closed door and someone was trying to force it open from the other side, banging against it. The door finally flew open knocking me aside. It was my Brother Scott, who died 2 years ago, and he was madder then hell. Madder then I’ve ever seen anyone in my life. Mad at me. With both arms he just pushed me full force into the wall, knocking me down. He didn’t say a word, he just stood there, staring at me in his anger. That was it. I woke up scared, disoriented and trying to catch my breath in a dark room. For the past 2 days I’ve been walking around trying to figure out what in the hell I did that would piss him off so bad.
Maybe I should have started looking for airline tickets sooner… Happy Holidays.
The bad weather finally broke today. I guess I’m a bit spoiled when I say “bad weather”. It’s been rainy off and on about 60, which isn’t too bad. Today, however, it’s a toasty 80 degrees (according to the thermometer). There I sat outside at Starbucks, under an umbrella to shield myself from the dead heat of the sun, while “chestnuts roasting on an open fire…” played quietly in the background. Jack Frost was nowhere to be found.
Weather the last few days has been unseasonably cold and rainy. Today it’s pouring rain, windy and wet and feels strangely familiar, like we never left Seattle. How much farther south do I need to keep going…
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